Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Dr. Yuvraj Kapadia: Understanding love through Human Behavior

I am back with a very concrete action plan this time.

Since many of us find it difficult to make the journey inwards into what we truly love, fully and completely, which, ideally should be the approach, in reality, for many of us, it is not so simple. There is too much of pressure from the environment, from our own people and these are people we love, parents, children, spouse, colleagues, each one of them demanding a certain behavior… this could take one far away from whatever one would have love for oneself… so in case that route is a little difficult, another very simple approach is getting into the depth of human behavior.

So, from this segment onwards, I am going to share with you a few very simple truths, of how we all behave. Why am I sharing this with you? If you understand this, you will probably understand why people around you are behaving how they are behaving… because the principles of behavior don’t change… and if you can understand why people around you are behaving the way they are behaving… it obviously becomes very simple then to make peace with your own self. Most of us always conclude when things in our life especially things in our relationships are not going too well, we are right, we are hurt, people around us are mean, they are going out of their way to actually, literally jack us !!! But they are behaving the way they are, simply because they are programmed to behave that way …

So let’s begin this exercise of understanding how we all behave. The first very simple truth on this journey is starting with a postulate, which says, people always work perfectly… yes, the statement is bold and is subject to a lot of questioning instantly and is triggering a lot of questions in your mind and thinking what crap !!! How can this be justified!!! Hold it and think.

Every person doing whatever activity he or she is doing, is doing it based on his or her internal meter of perfection which may or may not match your own meter. So very often if you are in a company and if you believe that you are absolutely indispensable to the company, you need to be needed all the time, then my friends….u r in a jack…ask me why? Most of us have this as a vital belief as that is how we feed our bruised and battered egos… whenever we realize that we are absolutely indispensable to a system, or to another person, all that we are doing is using that as an excuse to shore up our own battered self esteem because the fact of the matter is no body is indispensable. Breathing is there today, it will stop tomorrow and things will go on… simple truth of life !!! Nothing stop !!! Things just go on!!!

It is our lack of self worth which makes us believe, that we are intrinsic to the successful existence of other people in our lives. The fact is… we are not!!! Having said that, if you still follow that belief, that you are absolutely indispensable, what are you going to manifest in your company? You are going to manifest people around you in your company who will make sure that some mistake or the other remains committed because that gives you a reason to justify your basic belief that you are indispensable. Where does this take you? You will keep hiring more and more people who will make silly mistakes and you will not only land up dishing out their salaries and supervising them too, just to hold the belief that you are indispensable.

Now, a very good way of flipping this model is, if your staff is making a silly mistake some where or the other and they are consistently making this one mistake, then are you able to spot a pattern that they are doing everything else absolutely correct. This basically means that they have perfected the art of executing your task with only one mistake. Who ever said that perfection was getting things 100% right? Perfection is simply mapping and delivering a consistent output to a certain belief, that is perfection; there is no other benchmark for perfection. So if your staff has mastered the art of making only one mistake and that too because you want to feel that you are indispensable, that is exactly what they would do. Shocking…is it not? Now, if your ego permits you to break this cycle, start focusing on the 99 things that they are doing correctly. Now, if this is done, I know for a short while, there might be turbulence in your organization, in your life, maybe a little disturbing, but by and large the love that you will start to feel in your heart, when you start appreciating the 99% of the things which are happening correctly, in your estimate, is what will actually transform that 99% into 100%.

Think about it, so the next time your servant makes a mistake at home just think of the ten other things the same servant is doing absolutely correctly. I am not for a moment saying that you must condone what is wrong or what doesn’t work, but since where ever your mind focuses is exactly what you will get, If you mind focuses in picking faults in others, then the only thing you will get in your universe will be people with more and more faults. Let us focus instead on the good things people are doing around you, appreciate that. That will make you feel love and the moment you will start feeling this love in an absolutely subtle and silent manner, this potent transformative power of love will make sure that whatever change is required to be introduced into the system happens painlessly, effortlessly, compassionately & lovingly.

Be the change you wish to see around you. So if people work perfectly start applying the same paradigm to yourself. You are also working perfectly. So wherever you are in life at this matter, no matter what you are doing, you are doing just fine. If this statement brings a smile on your face, I believe this exercise is absolutely worth the effort. Right here, right now, wherever you are, you are fine. Enjoy this...

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